The Invisible Grad

You have come into contact with this person ... you think. They are that one person in your department who you recall seeing once or twice, but you never saw them again. The next time you see this individual (maybe 6 months to a year later), they have good news to report of presentations, publications, and candidacy.You begin to ask yourself, "How are they able to have so many spectacular achievements, yet I never see them in the department?". The reason that they get so much work done is due to the fact that you never see them.

Introducing the Invisible Grad

Once a certain point has been reached within your research as a PhD student, one should become relatively autonomous and not need to come into the lab as much as your less experienced colleagues. Who would want to come into the lab anyway? It's counterproductive and full of distractions. In the office, my days would typically end up looking like this:

9:00 - start work

11:00 - fire drill

12:00 - get dragged out of your lab for lunch with other students

1:30 - return from lunch

3:00 - department seminar/lecture

5:00 - time to leave! (after all, you HAVE worked an 8 hour day)

* Note: i haven't even factored in teaching/office hours for those of us who have classes as well as other graduate student popping into the lab to "shoot the breeze".

Away from the lab (perhaps at home, a coffee shop, library) these distractions are virtually non existent allowing more time to concentrate on the real reason you are in grad school, to do research! Take some advice from the Invisible Grad, and disappear from the distractions and emerge with PROGRESS !!!

Getting Residual Value Out Of Reading Technical Papers

If you're getting a Ph.D., reading technical papers is a necessary part of the process.  And when you first dive into a research area, getting up to speed may seem like an insurmountable task. Take heart; it isn't :o). 

It just takes a hella long time.

Doesn't it suck when you've read a paper some time ago, but can't quite recall what it was about?  Me too.  So here's a nice time saver you can implement.  Consider it "The Reader's Digest Method" for your research area.

A typical bib entry might look something like this:

@Book{abramowitz+stegun-64,
author = "Milton {Abramowitz} and Irene A. {Stegun}",
title = "Handbook of Mathematical Functions with
Formulas, Graphs, and Mathematical Tables",
publisher = "Dover",
year = 1964,
address = "New York",
edition = "ninth Dover printing, tenth GPO printing"
}

Using The Reader's Digest Method, the above bib entry would look something like this:

@Book{abramowitz+stegun-64,
author = "Milton {Abramowitz} and Irene A. {Stegun}",
title = "Handbook of Mathematical Functions with
Formulas, Graphs, and Mathematical Tables",
publisher = "Dover",
year = 1964,
address = "New York",
edition = "ninth Dover printing, tenth GPO printing",
tags = "TERMS TO CLASSIFY THIS ENTRY",
summary = "PROBLEM ADDRESSED, APPROACH, WERE THEY SUCCESSFUL?",
analysis = "DRAWBACKS (IF ANY) OF THIS WORK"
}

I imagine it's immediately obvious why the additional three elements at the bottom of this bib entry are useful.  But something tells me that the tags entry *may* deserve some elaboration.  Remember that your .bib files can grow pretty large over the years you're doing your Ph.D.  And you'll want to be able to quickly search for papers that are classified differently in your research area (e.g., I need to find all "Intrusion Detection" papers I've read). Tagging helps you find these papers quickly. 

Imagine if your .bib file was full of these extra bib elements!  You'd rarely have to go back and reread an entire paper!  So give this method a spin.  Get some residual value out of all the hours you spend reading a paper for a change.

Visiting Graduate Programs

College seniors are now making their visits to institutions they've been admitted to for graduate school.  At a visit, invariably these students have meetings scheduled with an array of faculty members. And, invariably students rarely know what to ask these faculty members.  So graduating seniors, this post is for you.

Believe it or not, the first questions you pose are not to a faculty member, but to yourself.  The Ph.D. is something you pick up on your way to putting your full dent in the universe.  So the million dollar question you must ask yourself is: "What the hell do I want to do AFTER I get the Ph.D.?"  For some of you, I'm sure, this can be answered without thinking. However, I'm willing to bet that for most of you, asking this question will produce no meaningful answer.  Hence, for the rest of you, the hundred thousand dollar question you must ask yourself is: "What the hell do I NOT want to do AFTER I get the Ph.D.?"  Although it's possible that you may not arrive at a definitive answer, this 2nd question at least narrows the answer space to viable alternatives for the 1st question.

Once you've answered one of the above questions, read the faculty members' websites.  You'll often find that faculty members actually have advice for students looking to work with them on their Websites.  So please, please, take notes on all faculty members you'll meet based on their Websites. Review your notes before the meeting.  Your preparation should show in your meeting.  Beyond earning you brownie points, it may earn you a Research Assistantship (among other things).                

Ask if there are any current students you can speak with.  Notice that I say "students" and "speak." Not "student" and "email."  Talking to students is critical because one student's opinion can vary dramatically from another student's.  You never know what underlying drama may be present. So by talking to as many students of a faculty member as possible you increase your chances of discovering the truth.  Speaking to these students is critical because graduate students are busy (or at least think they are) and can very well ignore your emails.  It's far more difficult to ignore a living, breathing human being standing in front you.  Lastly, when speaking with someone, you can detect physical ques that may clue you in to things that "just don't smell right." 

Do NOT forget to ask if there is anyone they've graduated that you can talk to. It may not be possible to speak with these folks, but if you can, absolutely talk to them!  Why?  THEY HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO LIE TO YOU.  They already have their Ph.D.s.   You see, professors usually have contracts that require they produce some artifact.  And this artifact tends to the be the result of their students' effort.  If the faculty member has no students coming in to work with him/her, the member may "HOLD ON" to their current students (i.e., postpone current students' graduation timeline).  This creates an incentive structure where students may be less than forthright with you if it might mean you not working with their advisor. 

Although these are not all the things you should do and ask, they should give you a hell of head start!  Good luck!

The Definitive Guide to Spending Less Time on Facebook

The first thing you must cultivate is a strong disdain for lots of information.  Let's face it, Facebook (FB) has gobs and gobs of information.  Just silently tell yourself that all the information that FB bombards you with is highly undesirable.  Got it?  Now we can move on with the guide.

• Ignore the "Live Feed" option.  Pretend that it's not even there.  If you want a live feed, go to Twitter, the originator of live feeds of people in your network.  The Live Feed will only steer you into trouble so treat it like a bastard stepchild...because it is.

• Look at only your "Home Feed."  FB has an algorithm to try to bring certain things to your attention.  Let FB's algorithm do its thing.  Yes, it kind of sucks at finding interesting things in your network, but so what?  What's the most you'll miss?  A new hiking trip photo album from your roommate in college?

• "Hide" ruthlessly.  If you find there are certain line items that cause you to engage FB more than you want, "Hide it" from your FB feed.  If there's an item on your Home feed that generates even a hint of disgust, you must hide it.  You don't want that negativity clouding your thinking for real work.    

• Reply from your email when you can. FB has integrated the ability for you to reply to comments from your email account.  USE IT!  If you respond from your email, you'll be less tempted by all the other candy dancing around FB.

• Get off other people's schedules.  People tend not to be on FB Friday afternoon through the evening.  The same can be said for Saturday afternoon through the evening.  If you want to get on FB and stalk people, these are the times to do that.  There won't be much ongoing activity to keep you on there very long.  I know what you're thinking though.  "If everybody does this, then won't people be active on FB and make this an ineffective strategy."  Theoretically, yes everybody could read this article and start putting this strategy into practice.  However, the chances of this happening is about the same as getting struck with lightning 10 times...under water.

• Batch process the "FB pulls."  The folks at FB are pretty smart.  They send you numerous emails to engage you in FB (e.g., messages, comments on your wall, comments on your posts), and I refer to them as "FB pulls" because they try to pull you back into FB.  Good thing FB isn't your boss--whew!  You can respond to those FB pulls whenever you damn well please.  Exercise that power!  A corollary of this point, is that if you have no FB pulls, you have no business on FB.     

Hopefully, with the above points as guides, your time can be a little less FB-filled.  Cheers!

How to Ensure Graduation: Only the "Smartest" Survive

When obtaining your PhD we all know classes must be taken, exams must be passed, etc. But the key to graduating is your advisor, so choose wisely. Yes the Professor who has innovative research is cool, but ask yourself how long does it take his/her students to graduate?, does he/she travel a lot?(if they do they can't be doing all of their research, so their postdocs and students must do a lot of it, and they aren't readily available for research help), oh and most importantly do they have funding? (while I encourage getting your own funding, this is a great back up plan). These questions should be asked upon initial decision of your advisor because you don't want to wake up as a 4th year graduate student with the realization that your advisor is not well vested in your graduation (ie Holy Crap, I'm 30 and still in grad school) or even worst your advisor is trying to keep you in school for his/her own benefits.

Here are some warning signs:

1. Your advisor will only meet with you to discuss new ideas, and not your dissertation research.

2. Your elder graduate students with the same advisor are in year 7.

3. You don't have contact with your advisor for a month and it is normal.

If you are experiencing any of these warnings don't fret, you can still graduate in 2 years at maximum by doing the following:

1. When your advisor asks you to work on new problems do it, but for every hour you spend on the new problem spend 2 on your dissertation research. Then when they meet with you to discuss the new work you have something to show but then you have more to show with your dissertation work.

2. Start Job searching, if you get a job that requires you to be done by a certain time usually your advisor will get on board, especially if it's with a good company or school because your success= your advisor's success especially if they aren't tenured.

3. Bother them by scheduling bi-monthly meetings, stalk them if you have to because graduating is of the utmost importance.

Remember graduate school is nothing but a academic hazing game so if you take everything and don't push back you will be in school forever so be "smart."

Why Senior Ph.D. Students Are Ghost: McMullen's Theorem

"The rate at which one is ghost from the department is proportional to the rate at which one finishes." --K. McMullen

Have you ever wondered as a new graduate student why you never see the more senior Ph.D. students around the department?  The quote above, that I've dubbed "McMullen's Theorem," gives you a clue as to why, but this article will end your wondering.

• They're chronologically old.  As you become chronologically old, moving around becomes more and more of a hassle.  Don't believe me?  Go to a party where the minimum age to enter is 18 years old.  Spend an hour there.  Then immediately go to another party where the average age range is 25 and up.  You will see a stark contrast in activity level.   

• Most of the friends they came in with are gone.  Many students enter graduate programs with some idea of potentially pursuing a Ph.D.  The fact is that by the end of year 2, most take their Master degrees, big paychecks, fringe benefits, and run away from academia never looking back.  If you are in the minority that decided to stay for a Ph.D., year 3 for you will test your social skills.  Most of us who stay behind, however, don't even try.  Consequently, you end up with 3rd years that are vaguely familiar with 1st years.  And that's not it.  This "vagueness" increases with each new incoming class.        

• Time savings.  Have you ever calculated the amount of time you spend commuting and getting ready to commute to and from campus?  That's time you could be working.  That's time you could be taking a chill pill.  That's time you could be eating.  Why forfeit those things for going to a campus you've been going to for years? 

• No "good" reason to.  Some time in year 4, you sort of learn the "game."  By game, I mean the Ph.D. game at your university in your department with your advisor.  And it is also around this time, that you begin to decide that you will no longer play this game (e.g., showing face at meetings, volunteering for things). 

• Less random distractions.  When you're secluded in your home working, nobody can bother you.  Yes, maybe your neighbor can bother you, but there are only so many neighbors.  And besides, they're probably responsible and have day jobs or classes they have to attend.  This makes home a viable option for many senior Ph.D. students.  For some people,  alternative places like coffee shops work best.  However, regardless of the alternative location, where ever it is, it tends to have the attribute of "being left the hell alone."  

• Resents "still being a Ph.D. student" at some level.  When you look around and see your friends living "life" some part of you envies them.  You see them as not having a care in the world after they get off work, knowing that they don't have to think about work again until they're physically there the next day or week, you envy them. You envy the grown up money they're making.  When you've been in a Ph.D. program for some years, you tend to grow a strong feeling that says that you need to move on with your life.  But you can't move on until your dissertation's written.  So for the time being, you're "stuck." Resentment increases.

Hopefully this explains why you tend to not see your more senior Ph.D. students.  It's not because they're uber anti-social (okay, yeah, well sometimes that is it), it's because of all these reasons I've outlined above.